Conscious Dreams
by nicheartslea
Summary: Rachels' been dreaming about her best friend Finn, but what happens when she dreams about the first time they met and it isn't the way she remembers? She can't tell what is real life and what is only just a dream. AU
1. Memories

Hi everyone!

So, this is a weird idea I had based on my own life and I know this chapter is pretty boring but it's about to get kinda exciting! There will be four chapters! yay! Um so review and follow and all that good stuff. Oh, and if you're reading my fic "Not the Girl Nextdoor", I am so so so sorry for neglecting it! I have the next chapter written I swear, im just waiting for my beta.

I do not own Glee or The New Normal. (had to use a reference)

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1 year ago:

It was Rachel's third shift at the store she was working at, Banana Republic. She liked it there a lot, she had finally met everyone or at least heard of everyone there and they were very welcoming to her. She wasn't used to be welcomed with open arms, she usually was very lonely. Her only friend was Kurt and she was lucky to have him, but some other friends might be nice. She got paid to hang out with these people, she was starting to notice that she was the youngest there. Rachel was 17 and in a couple months, she would finally be 18. She knew that everyone was already in their 20s here, except another guy, he was 19. She had met him, but hadn't really talked to him.

This particular night was really slow and there was only her, the manager Will, and then the 19 year old guy that she had met, but never really spoke too. She was very content on keeping to herself tonight, just folding things and cleaning. She would occasionally watch Finn out of the corner of her eye, just because she wondered about him like anybody else.

They met one night when she was shopping in the store for work clothes and he was getting her a fitting room which was crazy awkward. SHe remembers him telling her that they worked together and she said "oh, you're the only person I haven't met yet!" and he helped her.

He was tall and dark hair and dark eyes. He was cute, but she didn't have to know him very well to know that she didn't want to like him. She had heard things from the other people who worked there, like they were warning her and she didn't know why. It's not like she was going to become his friend. They would tell her that he had major issues, that he's inappropriate and flirty and that she should just ignore him. She knew that she didn't like him by what they were telling her. Rachel knew exactly what kind of people she wanted to surround herself with.

It turned out that Finn was exactly what they told her, she noticed that he was inappropriate. He would say things that he shouldn't out loud, he didn't think before he spoke. He would stare a little too long at gorgeous women that came through the door and he just rubbed her the wrong way. After all, she had a 6th sense. She could tell that Finn was trying though because he would tell her things that she necessarily didn't want to hear, he was pushing her buttons and she was pretty close to hating him. She didn't let him in and she really didn't care about him or his creepy cat obsession. It was okay for her to love cats, but for him, it was weird. He would always ask her if she thought he was creepy and she would always say yes because she knew it would bug him.

She was in the petites room that shift, because she really didn't want to deal with anyone tonight, plus Finn took all of her customers anyway. So, she just sized and refolded the room. She liked to hide and Finn was starting to find her hiding spots and it was starting to drive her nuts how he always snuck up on her. She was fixing a rack in the corner and she was lightly humming to the song that was playing. It was Amy Whinehouse's "Valerie" but she only knew it form her favorite show Sing. They always sang covers of songs and it was pretty much how she knew all these old songs that her dads knew. She hummed away and she was in her own little world and she didn't even hear his foot steps approaching this time.

She looked up to see his amused eyes staring at her enjoying the song, she quickly stopped singing and just stared at him waiting for him to say something.

"The Sing version is better." he said and she looked up at him with her eyes huge thinking he was mocking her but there was no way that he knew anything about her.

He smirked at her and walked away leaving her with a dumbfounded face and her heart racing a million miles per hour. Did she just make a friend?

Now

She rubbed her eyes for the millionth time that day and she was laying in bed waiting for sleep to overcome her. She hasn't been falling asleep so fast lately it takes her hours to fall asleep. She looked at her phone and it read 10:30. Eventually she started to drift into the slumber that she's been waiting for all day.

She's shaken out of her sleep by the all too familiar vibration of her phone. She took three deep breaths and cleared her throat to shake the sleep away from her voice and answered as happily as she could.

"Hello?" she said.

"Hi.." he said back to her.

"Hey?" She said and laughed quietly at their routine.

"You weren't sleeping were you because I can let you go back to sleep." he told her quickly.

"No, no. I'm fine. I want to talk to you, Finn." she smiled.

"Good, because I want to talk to you too!" she could feel the smile on her best friends face.

She turned over on her stomach in an easier talking position. Finn always called her when she was sleeping, he knew her sleepy voice and so she tried to mask it as much as she could so she could keep talking to him.

"What are you doing, Rach?" he asked her.

"Nothing." she said curtly to avoid the word "sleep".

"Rachel, you're my best friend you know that." he said to her seriously.

She smiled and laughed a little,"You're my best friend too."

"No, like I'm serious. You know more about me than anyone and I really appreciate you sticking around through all the crap i've put you through." he said quickly.

She felt a pang in her heart when he said "crap", she agreed it was crap.

"I love you." he said simply and Rachel felt her heart swell with all the happiness in the world.

"And I love you, Finn. But you knew that!" she laughed.

"Finn, i'm pretty tired so can I go to sleep?" she said.

"Sure, oh yeah of curse. I'm in bed too, so Good night Rachel." he said

"Goodnight, FInn." and they hung up.

Rachel loved conversations like those with her best friend. When she settled back into her blankets she closed her eyes knowing that it would be an hour yet, until she fell asleep.

It had taken her a year to finally accept that Finn and her were only friends. When they first met, she was drawn to him and he was drawn to her. They had feelings for one another and they knew it. It was perfect, the feeling she got whenever he was around her or when she thought about him. It was fun to keep their feelings secret from work too. They planned on being more than friends eventually and she knew that she would wait for him because he needed time.

The store they worked at was closing down and she felt her heart slam into her chest when she knew they wouldn't see each other anymore. FInn lived 30 minutes away from her and so she knew he wouldn't make the effort and she knew any chances of them being together were shot. She knew deep down that it was over.

Then she never saw him and he still called her everyday and talked but it felt different. She didn't feel the way she used to feel; confident and sure of the relationship. She was just scared and then she was angry. She was so mad at him for leading her on and telling he liked her and telling her that he wanted to be with her. She started feeling stupid and depressed all the time.

One day she decided to put her heart on the line and ask him where they were going. It took everything in her body to hit send and she sat for two whole days with no answer. One day, she was with Kurt seeing Rock of Ages and she finally got an answer back from Finn, and it was the answer that she knew in her heart. He told her he didn't see them going anywhere and right then she was grateful that his phone wasn't working and he disappeared to her advantage and she walked away from him. She cut off all contact with him and started to rebuild her life again, around herself. She almost forgot about him and yet the pain still lingered deep inside her heart. She was heart and she was never going to talk to Finn ever again.

It was of course, in Finn's nature to return to her after he's disappeared but she thought since he didn't want her anymore he wouldn't come back. He called her on a Saturday for an unknown number and she answered not expecting it to be him. When she heard his voice her heart stopped beating and she wanted to cry. All the work she had done to try to get rid of him was out the window.

Then one night she yelled at him, or more like sobbed at him. She was on the phone with him and she was telling how stupid she felt and how sad she was and how he played her. Instead of arguing with her, he listened. He always argued with her back but this time he knew he had struck a nerve with her. She didn't think she had cried so hard in front of anyone and the weird thing was that she didn't even care all that much. She just cried.

It took Rachel days to forgive him, it took her weeks to realize that she wanted to be his friend even if she still liked him, it took months to realize that Finn was her best friend, it took her months to get over Finn and the bitterness and be his friend, it took her a year to love him so much as her Best friend and its taken her a year and a half to realize that she might be in love with her Best Friend.

Rachel let the single tear that fell from her eyes and quietly drifted off into a sleep lingering with memories of Finn.

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Okay so there is chapter one! I love the idea of Best Friend Finn and Rachel, its my favorite to write and yeah. So, let me know if I should keep going because the plot thickens!

Love. Love. Love

Nic


	2. Dream-Rachel

Wow! I am really quite happy about the response that I got, I thought no one would read it.

I made a mistake last Chapter, when I said "Now" for when Rachel was on the phone with Finn it was supposed to say January 2013! Because this chapter takes place now! haha! Sorry.

Anyway, I know this is confusing and trust me it was confusing when I was writing it. But it will all tie together. Italics are dreams!

I do not own Glee or The New Normal

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March, 2013 (present day)

She was mad, not just mad she was hurt. Finn never waited this long to call her back. Well, actually he has but not for a very long time. Not since she stopped getting mad at him so much. She sighed and sent him mean vibes that she hoped he could sense. Lately, Finn had been so distant towards her and she hated it. He was not calling her for three days and then sometimes he wouldn't call her back or he would have to go really quickly.

It drove her crazy because her best friend wouldn't talk to her and she had things to say, but it was even more frustrating when it was him because she knew her feelings for him were more than she ever intended them to be. She loved Finn and she knew he loved her but she could never figure out why he didn't call her back and she hated getting mad at him because it didn't even phase him. She just wanted to punch him really hard. For a long time she couldn't figure out why it bothered her so much but then she realized that she missed him. She could ignore him and yell at him and cry to him, but it will never do anything to make her feel better. Nothing, not even him, made her feel better anymore.

She couldn't sleep at night, she would dream about him and wake up crying. She wanted to tell him so many things. She didn't ever have really important things to tell him. He liked when she told him random stories about what she did that day and she didn't know why because usually her days were really boring but he always wanted to hear what she did.

This particular night was most frustrating for her, she called him earlier and he never ever called her back. She was already having a bad day and she couldn't sleep and she knew that he got off work at 10 and she knew he usually called her at 10:04, but tonight he didn't. Just like most nights in the past two weeks. She tossed and turned for two more hours until she started to dream.

_She was standing in the petites section listening to Valerie, her mouth moving to the words. _

_She's watching herself, she knows it. She knows this memory, it's when her and Finn first met. She knows its going to be a good dream because she knows what happens. _

_Suddenly she hears Finn walking up to dream-Rachel and dream-Rachel stops singing and smiles at him. Waiting for "The Sing Version was better", Rachel watched Finn intently. He isn't smiling, in fact he just kinda looks at dream-Rachel and he keeps walking. Wait, this was weird. He was supposed to say something else! Then she notices, dream Rachel rolling her eyes and gets back to work. _

_Rachel thinks this is a bad dream because he isn't calling her, so then she is dreaming that they aren't even friends? Then she looks at dream-Rachel and suddenly she isn't watching dream Rachel anymore, she is dream Rachel and she sees every single memory of her and Finn's friendship over the past year shoot through her head and she shakes out of it and thinks to herself that she didn't even know Finn, besides that he's a really good sales person._

Rachel wakes up and she's sweating, like she's literally sweating and breathing heavily. Did she just have a dream where her dream-self saw into her own future but it wasn't dream-self real life, it was real life Rachel's past? She looks at her phone and she checks her phone, it's one in the morning. She groans and shuts her phone next to her on the bed. What was that weird dream she had? It wasn't a dream though, to her it seemed more like a nightmare, but what did that mean?

Maybe it was her mind telling her that she wishes her and Finn were never friends? Does it mean that she should appreciate him because what if they weren't friends? She racks her brain and now she s tossing and turning because she really does want to sleep. She finally rests long enough to settle her mind and falls asleep with hurt in her heart.

III

She wakes up and she can already feel a headache forming. She can't remember but she knows she had a dream last night but she can't remember it. It was Monday and she already could tell that she wasn't going to pay attention at school and then she had to go to work, but this would all work up to something, she knew it would.

She drove to her best friend Kurt's house to pick him up, since they were both attending the same college and had their first class together. She honked her horn three times hoping Kurt would come out of his house quicker than usual. Kurt takes forever to get ready and she had tried to help him get up earlier but nothing works and they are always late. Rachel was a girl and it didn't take her nearly as long as it took Kurt. She bangs her fist on the steering wheel and closes her eyes. Finally, Kurt ran to her car and got in.

"There you are, Kurt this has got to stop. Professor Howell is going to drop us from the class if were always late." Rachel says with annoyance.

Kurt rolled his eyes, "He never marks us tardy, besides that girl with the gross sweatpants is always later than us and she's still here." he said matter-of-factly.

Rachel put the car in drive and started their 30 minute drive to school.

"Do you have to work tonight? There's this awesome double feature at the movies tonight and I wanted to see if you could go. If not, I told Blaine to be on standby!" Kurt asked her.

"Ugh, yes! I work tonight, I am so sad! You know how much I love double features! You know, I love Banana Republic but there isn't anyone there to talk to! It's such a bore." Rachel pouted.

"What about that hunk, Finn? Isn't he your age? Why don't you ever bring him up?" Kurt pressed.

"He's 20. But we don't talk ever, he doesn't like me. I don't know why, I didn't really do anything to him. I have been working there for over a year and he still is obnoxious as ever." she said clearly annoyed at Kurt for bringing up the subject.

"Does he have a girlfriend?"

"I don't think so, he's always talking about his best friend Puck though and how he's his boyfriend. He's probably one of those guys who doesn't want a girlfriend because he says he's not ready but really he just wants to hook up with random girls like Quinn Fabray." she said.

Kurt didn't press on anymore because the subject wasn't really of any importance to the both of them.

Rachel sat through hours of school and thought about things like Broadway and New York City. As soon as Rachel was done with community college, she and Kurt would go to NYADA and become Broadway stars. It was in her blood to be a star even though it was taking her longer than she expected.

Rachel buttoned her blazer in the mirror in the stockroom and smoothed her hair one last time. She was in the lead for sales, along with Finn, her biggest competition and tonight was the night she was going to pass him. She didn't have to worry about Finn tonight because he wasn't supposed to be working according to the schedule. She walked out onto the floor and noticed Will standing by the register and wave at her.

"Hey Will!" she said.

"Hi Rach, okay so tonight we should have no problem reaching the goal since I have you and Finn on the floor tonight! I want no arguing from the two of you, I have already talked to him. Let's just focus on selling!" he said and patted her on the back and went to office.

Rachel sighed and leaned against the wall, Finn, her competition was working with her tonight. That could only mean one thing, she was going to beat him in sales tonight.

"Hey Finn." she said uncaringly.

"Rachel, whats up? How are you?" he said.

Rachel narrowed her eyes, "I'm very well, Finn thanks for asking." and she walked away thinking how much she disliked him.

Four hours went by quickly, her and Finn evened out in sales and called a silent truce when they both left the store.

"Why aren't we friends, Rachel?" he said surprising her.

"Um. Well, Finn, guys like you and girls like me aren't supposed to be friends. That's not the way the world works." she said pausing before getting into her car to look at him.

"I guess you're right. I guess it would take some twist of fate for me to ever be your friend. See you around, dwarf" he said and got into his car.

Rachel scoffed and rolled her eyes.

As soon as Rachel got home and showered she got into bed. She fell asleep pretty quickly so she knew as soon as her head hit the pillow. Thinking of playing the role of Elphaba, she drifted into a deep sleep.

III

_She was in the petites section of the store she worked at and she was fixing a rack of clothes. She was watching herself like a movie. She notices that her hair is really quite nice that day. She prided herself in her hair, it was sleek and ends just after her shoulders. Her hair has a center part, but Kurt swears she's rocking it and she trusts his judgement because he's Kurt Hummel. _

_She then saw Finn walk up to her. Wait, what kind of dream is this?! Why is she dreaming about her coworker, that's super awkward, she doesn't even know him well enough to have dreams about him. Work is going to be so weird tomorrow, how does she explain to him that he's in her dreams. He would really love rubbing that in her face if he ever found out. _

_She focuses back on what's happening in her dream, Rachel was quietly humming to Valerie and looked like she was pretending to not pay attention to something else. She watched herself look up and FInn and saw dream-Rachel's whole face light up and her cheeks redden. _

_Ew, this dream Rachel liked Finn! She couldn't believe it, next he's smiling at her. They are having a creepy moment or something. _

"_The Sing version is better." he said and she scoffed because she hated that show and here she can tell dream Rachel obviously loves it because her eyes go wide and she starts to smile. Finn smiles back at her and then walks away leaving dream-Rachel dumbfounded. Suddenly Rachel feels pulled through her dream and she doesn't understand what's happening. All of the sudden she's standing in her dream as Rachel and her heart is pounding a hundred miles per hour and her palms are sweaty but she feels happy and Hudson likes Sing and so does she! _

Then she felt still in her body and memories started flashing through her head, things that hadn't happened yet, things in the future, she thinks. Then she woke up, breathing and panting. She had tears in her eyes but she didn't know why.

"What the hell is going on?" she said and ran her fingers through her hair and dialed the only person, she knew who would help her. Her best friend, Kurt Hummel.

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There you have it! What is happening to Rachel or dream-Rachel? Is it just a dream? Anyway, ill upload sometime Monday or maybe Friday!

Review and Follow and Love.

Nic


	3. A Finn-Less Life

I see many of you are confused, well here is some more confusion for you! Some crazy things happening in Rachel's life! She just wants her Finny back!

Enjoy!

I do not own Glee

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Rachel brushed her bangs one last time before she left the house, she was actually so happy she got bangs, they made her look older. Finn told her they looked sexier, part of her got the bangs because of Finn. She was going to visit Kurt at his school as she often did and she needed someone to talk to about her weird dream.

Kurt hugged her when he saw her but he could tell something was going on with her.

"Rachel? What's wrong, I know you and I know when you're upset." he said raising an eyebrow at her.

"Ugh. I haven't been sleeping and I had a really weird dream about Finn last night." she said rubbed her temples.

"Tell me all about it." Kurt always loved to hear about Rachel's dreams so he could psychoanalyze her and tell her what to do. She told him all about the dream and how she basically turned into an alternate version of herself and didn't even know who Finn was.

"Rachel! That dream is remarkable! Just amazing!" he said and took a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah, but what do you think it means?" she said.

"Well, it sounds like you are watching some other version of yourself and Finn! Then you jumped into the body of that Rachel and saw things you should've remember but didn't! You turned into your dream-self. The only questions is: How?" he pondered.

Rachel put her head in her hands, she really didn't need to be thinking about Finn anymore than she already did.

"I know! Rachel, you need to dream that dream again!" he said.

"Why?" she groaned.

"Maybe you can get into your body and change it! Then you wont feel so bad about it and it wont bug you anymore! After all it was just a dream.

"Kurt! This cant be just a dream, but i'll try."

II

Later that night when she laid down for bed, the last thing that was on her mind was talking to Finn so she shut off her phone to avoid any calls. When she laid down she thought really hard about having that dream again and she did a bunch of research on how to re-dream dreams and it was very possible. Her eyelids felt heavy and she finally reached a peaceful slumber.

Once again, she was in the petites sections and she heard the song playing again and she watched herself again and everything was the same. Except this time, she really wanted to get into dream-Rachel's body again. So, she willed herself really really hard to try and she closed her eyes really tight and didn't finish the dream before she woke up again.

"Damn it!" she yelled and hit her fists on the bed. It was morning and her alarm was going off. She remembers that she turned off her phone and she didn't even have a reason for an alarm, she didn't have classes or work today. She looked at the alarm and said "Work in 1 hour". That's weird, she remembers that she never works, her new store is always cut short on hours.

She stops the alarm and gets out of bed and goes to the closet and sees all her clothes are different. She doesn't see her usual jeans and t-shirt collection. It's all replaced with clothes that she wore when she worked at Banana Republic over a year ago. What's going on? She didn't buy this much stuff when she worked there. She then went to the bathroom and turned the light on and gasped. Her bangs were gone! Her hair was gone and short and parted down the center! Her hair hadn't been like this in a year!

What is this dream? How could she still be dreaming? She pinched herself and silently cursed herself for being so stupid and pinching herself too hard. She ran over to her phone and went to her favorites so she could call Finn and tell him something was happening.

She scrolled back and forth at least three times but Finn wasn't in her contacts at all. Wait, she had Finn's number and she called him last night, maybe she'll get it off FaceBook, maybe she deleted it. She typed in "Finn Hudson" but nothing came up. Was she sick?

She picked the contact that said "work" and called it.

"Hi, this is Will. How can I help you?" he said into the phone.

"Will?" she said, she hadn't talked to Will in so long and now he was on the phone under "Work". Her new bosses name was Sue! How was this happening?

"Rachel?" he sad.

"Yes. I just wanted to make sure I was still uh schedueld to come in today." she hesitated.

Will laughed, "See you in a half hour. You and Finn today, show me what you two got. He said you guys did double numbers last night, way to go!" he said and hung up.

Oh, good! Finn was there, whatever was going on would be okay because Finn is there.

III

She finally picked out something to wear and headed to work. It was weird walking into a place that she thought had closed down and sure enough, everything was still working. She oddly remembered all her numbers and passwords and she checked her new hair-or old hair and walked out onto the floor to look for Finn.

She saw him over by the ties and ran over to him and hugged him.

"Oh, god, Finn! I had the weirdest dream last night because you aren't calling me and then I talked to Kurt and he told me to dream it again but then I woke up and to this weird world where I don't have bangs and your number isn't in my favorites. Hey, my papa says congrats on the new job..." she finishes because he's staring at her like she's crazy.

"What the hell are you talking about Rachel?" he said and rolled his eyes.

"I know you got that teaching job you wanted." she said quietly suddenly realizing that this Finn didn't like her at all or seem to know her.

"What teaching job? Rachel why are you talking to me like were best friends. I have never given you my number, nor do I want to. Your'e obviously crazy." he said and walked away.

"Wait, Finn you are my best friend. I love you!" she called after with tears streaming down her face.

She didn't understand what this life was, it surely wasn't the life she wanted.

"Will, I need to go home. I feel like throwing up." she told him and left the store in tears.

She sits on the bench outside the store and dials Kurt's number, theres someone she knew couldn't change.

"Hello, Doll!" his cheery tone came through the phone.

She smiled, "Hi Kurt! What are you doing?"

"Blaine and I are going to the movies again. I fell asleep at the double feature I told you about yesterday and so he said he would take me again."

"Blaine? Blaine Anderson from high school?" she said. Why were they hanging out, they weren't friends. Blaine was in a different circle than she and Rachel were. Wait, what double feature! Yesterday, they were talking about her weird dreams.

"Um, yes Rachel. Blaine. We've only been together for a year. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm uh, Fine. I'l talk to you later Kurt!" then she hung up and jumped in her car and drove home.

Once she got home she said hi to her dads and locked herself in her room. If this Rachel was just as interested in her Instagram as she was, she knew how to fill herself in on her life.

She noticed that the very first picture was her, Kurt and Blaine sitting under a tree laughing. The caption said, "Me and My Best Gays." She always knew Blaine was a nice and cute boy but she never thought he and Kurt would ever find each other. She clicked on the next one that was just her in the fitting room and the caption said "Working late tonight! Missing double feature with Kurt and Blaine" and she saw that she had more likes than real Rachel ever got.

She scrolled through more and noticed that this Rachel was way different from old Rachel. Life was different and she knew that it had something to do with Finn. If Finn and her never became friends, this is what her life could've been, or is.

She remembers her run-in with Finn earlier and starts to cry again. She wouldn't trade Finn for anything in the world. She loved Finn and she realized how sucky life seems without him. She cant talk to him or call him and it seems this Rachel is so much different and she doesn't like this Rachel. This Rachel is all high-heels and going to the gym way too much and is too cocky.

Finn kept her grounded and she could be herself around Finn, not this new Rachel. Finn told her things that he didn't tell anyone else, things that made her stronger as her own person. They made her more caring and helpful.

She put her head in her hands and cried, feeling defeated and maybe stuck in New Rachel's life forever.

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woooo! What's going on? Two different lives? hahah last chapter is up soon!

Review. Follow. Fav. You know, the usual!

Nicolette


	4. Since I've Come Home

Hi everyone! Here's my last installment of this fic! I hope this eases your confused minds!

I do not own Glee.

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She knew she wasn't going to get any sleep tonight, there was no way. She decided she would fill herself on the year that she clearly missed out on. She started with her computer, she opened the screen and looked at the password box.

Shoot!, she thought, she didn't know about this Rachel, her password could be anything. She typed in RachelBerry1 and to her luck it worked, at least they were the same in that way. The background was a picture of her and Jesse St. James! She cut off contact with him weeks ago, there was no way her and him were friends. She didn't want to get close to Jesse because she didn't want him to like her because she knew she liked Finn and she could never replace Finn at all. She quickly went into the System Preferences to change the picture to her kitten, Fierro that she got for her 19th birthday. There were no pictures of him anywhere! She searched and searched but couldn't find anything and the tears started to resurface. Then she realized because Finn liked cats so much, she liked cats a lot and wanted one so badly. No Finn equals no cat.

She wipes her tears and heads to her journal. She got a journal because after her ex-boyfriend, Brody, dumped her and she needed somewhere to store her thoughts. Rachel knew that her journal was filled with stories about Finn and how he broke her heart, fixes her heart, made her cry and made her smile. She knew that it was filled with dreams and hopes she had for herself and even for him. There were so many less entires, this Rachel only wrote about three times a month. She picked a date that was significant to her to see if this Rachel had wrote anything at all. She picked March 20th, 2012: The day Finn broke her heart. She knew in her real journal she wrote every little detail, but there was this entry instead:

_Journal, it's been such a crazy month, but i've kept my head on straight. Well, sorta, I got kicked out of classes again for failing. You don't even need school to be an actress, which I full on plan on becoming after Kurt gets his fashion degree. I asked him again today about moving to New York and he said that he would be ready in four years, if I wanted to wait. Should I go without him? I don't really need him do I? He's been pretty annoying lately. But really, he's all I have. I don't need friends because iIhave you journal, sometimes I get so lonely and need someone to talk to who isn't Kurt but I have no one. _

_Anyway, journal, I have to get my beauty rest, I have to work tomorrow. _

_xoxo Rachel_

Failed classes? Lonely? She knew she passed every one of her classes since Finn had been her friend. He helps her become a better person, she knows how the story plays out. He breaks her heart and she pours her heart and soul into school, partly because she needs the distraction and partly because she knows Finn would be so proud. Also, with Finn around she never felt lonely. Never ever. She always feels like her life is complete when he's around. This is all wrong!

She fishes through a few of her other entires feeling like she reading the secrets of some other girl who isn't her. Suddenly it dawns on her that, her life is drastically different when Finn isn't around. It isn't the life she's used to, nor does she really want it. She knows that this life could be better because in it, Finn never broke her heart four different times, he never made her mad, he never made her cry, he never kicked her to the curb, he never didn't want to see her, and he never even knew her.

Isn't this what she always wanted when he acted like a total douchebag or made her cry? She wished she had never met him and never fallen for him or became his best friend. She rubbed her eyes and sighed loudly. This is what she wanted. Now she has it. This wasn't a dream, it was some weird twist of fate. It had to be.

She closed her eyes and picked out her favorite moments of her and Finn's friendship that made her regret this change.

_Jan 2013_

_It 's New Years Eve, well now it was New Years Day and she adjusted her '2013' hat and awkwardly sighed. She was so happy it was a new year, that meant she could finally have a reason to piece her life together, even though she was pretty content on the way her life was now. She took a sip of the champange her dads gave her and walked outside. Her phone started to vibrate and she saw it was Finn calling and she smiled so wide and answered it. _

"_Helllo?" she sang through the telephone. _

"_You're my best friend." he said to her. _

_She smiled, she really did love when he called her his best friend. She knew he didn't take the term Best Friend lightly. _

"_You're mine! Happy New Year!" she said through her smile. _

"_Happy New Year to you too!" he chuckled. _

"_I love you and you're the best, Finn." she laughed at herself for telling him he was the best and he laughed a little too. _

"_I love you too and goodnight Rachel." he said. _

"_Goodnight, FinnyBear." she said and shut her eyes and hung up while a single happy tear rolled down her cheek. _

That was one of her favorite memories, especially the way that he made sure to wish her a goodnight like he always did. She doesn't even bother to wipe her tears as she remembers another one.

_Dec. 2012_

_She's sitting next to him in the car and it's really really late. Like past her bedtime, late. He's driving her home after a concert they had just went too, it was pretty fun. Until she got mad at him for talking to other girls, which totally caught her off guard even. She knew she had no place to get mad but she just kinda yelled at him, it made her really jealous that he wanted to call other girls who weren't her. It made her feel like it did when he hurt her in March, she felt played. She also remembers saying that she should warn the girl so he doesn't break her heart too and then she knew she hit him and herself hard with regret. She didn't want him to bring it up, but know Finn he did. _

"_That was great, except for the part where you yelled at me. Even with 300 people you still find ways to make me feel like shit." he said with a little smile. _

_She groaned, "Finn, I am really sorry and I know I had no place to get mad at you but can we stop it and never speak of it again, please." she pleaded with him. _

"_Okay." he said and there was a silence. _

"_What's on your mind?" he asked her three minutes later. She hated when he asked her what was on her mind because it was practically always him._

"_Our friendship." was all she said. _

"_Fair enough, I am right here." he laughed. _

"_Do you think that maybe everything that has happened, happened, for a reason?" she turned to look at him. She could tell he was thinking hard about her question. _

"_Rachel, do you always get this insightful after one am?"_

_She laughed, "Yes. It's when you can get all my secrets out." she smirked at him._

"_Well, i'll have to remember that." another beat of silence. _

"_Rachel, before I met you, I had two friends. Will and Puck. Now, I have you." She looks over at him and he's staring at her and she smiles and looks away. Finn never really said anything meaningful to her like that ever. He always told her nice things but this was so much more. This means that she has built on his life and she has been his beacon of light for so long. _

_She doesn't say anything because the moment would be ruined when if she did and Rachel Berry lived for moments like these. _

She was smiling now because she had her memories and if this was the life she was meant to be in then she has the memories. Even if this Finn didn't remember anything or didn't even like her, she had the greatest memory power ever. She wasn't looking forward to waking up in the morning and she didn't know how to live a life without Finn. She knew that she shouldn't say things that would jinx her life. She suddenly felt her eyelids grow heavy and drifted away into a dreamless sleep.

III

There's a buzzing and it wont stop ,if she could just get it to stop she could go back to sleeping. She wakes up slowly but the buzzing wont stop, suddenly she realizes that it was her phone. Groaning, she took three deep breaths and cleared her throat and whispered 'hello' into her phone. She was wondering why Kurt was calling so late, did he do this in this new life? Call her at 2 am? She would have to talk to him about that.

"Rach?" she heard and she was done with the dreams and she knew she was dreaming Finn's voice.

"This is so annoying. WAKE UP RACHEL WAKE UP. FINN DOESNT EVEN KNOW YOU." she screamed with tears in her eyes.

"Rachel? Oh my god, why are you yelling at me? Jesus Christ, you're not dreaming. I'm sorry I didn't call you back earlier, I feel really bad. But i'm calling you now. Are you okay?" he said.

Rachel shot up in her bed and earned a very angry meow from Fierro who jumped off her bed and left.

"Fierro!" she yelled with a happy call. Then she touched her hair, and felt her bangs and she laughed.

"Rachel, you're scaring me!" he called through the phone. She checked the date on her calendar, it was the same day she was mad that Finn wasn't calling her. It was a dream, everything was a dream. She was having a huge dream where she was dreaming about memories and they were changing and she was forced to see what it was like to live without Finn and it worked! Her mind was always superior from others, she knew that.

"FInn! Oh my god, Finn I am so happy to hear your voice!" she cried.

"I'm happy to hear your voice too, I guess?" he said confused.

"No, you don't understand. I had this dream where I dreamt about the first time we met and it was different and then I had two lives. One where I didn't have bangs and we still worked at Banana Republic together and you hated me and I hated you. My instagram was really popular, you would've totally laughed at all my pictures and I was failing all my classes and Kurt was dating Blaine Anderson. It was cra-" she said all at once.

"Rachel, please. You're doing that thing where you talk and I can barely keep up." he said jokingly.

Rachel sighed and came off her high and realized what was right in front of her.

"The point is that my life without you in it, is different and I don't like it. Finn, you're my best friend and sometimes I get so mad at you that I wish we had never met or been friends. But now I realize that I can't live without you and i'm really sorry for getting mad at you. I know you love me and i'm your best friend. Please, stick around for while because when you're not in my life, it's not *my* life. It's someone else's." she said.

"Wow, Rachel. That is really amazing and you are my best friend. I didn't work this hard to leave, I love you too!" he said.

She smiled and laid her head on her pillow, life was just right again.

"I'm glad you still have bangs because you look smokin with them!" he said and laughed.

She laughed back, "Thanks, Finn! You're such a gentlemen. In my dream, I had no one and it was really lonely and my life would be so crummy but now, now I have you." she said and smiled at her own personal memory.

She could hear him smiling on the other line, "I have you too and guess what?" he asked.

"What?" Rachel said.

"The Sing version was better."

With that Rachel closed her eyes and listened to Finn tell her all about his day, and soaked in the perfect feeling that she thought she had lost forever. Despite everything, there was nothing she would rather do than listen to Finn's voice ease her heart, her life was too good for anymore dreams.

* * *

yay! I hope you really enjoyed this story, I didn't end them being *in* love because I wanted to keep it true to what happened to me, because this story is actually based on my life. ;) My dreams are suuuuuper weird and my real life Finn is great too! haha

Thanks for the support and hopefully you'll read my other stories!

Love.

Nicolette


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